By The Seat Of Your Pants

Men beware: fashion designers are out to sabotage you. Remember a couple of seasons back when it seemed that every pair of pants on the runway was slimmer than slim? That's a trend that's unwearable for many men, so it appears that designers are now adding a bit more fabric, but only in one area. Welcome to the year of the Accordion Crotch.

Yes, it is what it sounds like. An abundance of fabric between the waistband and the pockets that looks, well, odd, to say the least. It's kind of like wearing high-cut saggy trousers, if that makes any sense. But altogether, this fashionista believes it's a look that will never catch on with mainstream fashion. One might argue that the current trend started with those fresh-faced Brits over at Burberry Prorsum (right), although I'm sure somebody somewhere beat them to it.

I just know that every time I see their current ad campaign I'm drawn to two things: Agyness Deyn's gorgeous face and those ridiculous pants on the men! Does it not look like they're wearing shirts on their legs? I think Christopher Bailey got confused in the cutting room. Maybe he ran out of pants on the day of the show? I want to think there was a mistake made somewhere.

John Galliano exhibited a similar lack of fabric restraint for spring with his Mad Max-meets-sanitation worker look, left, among other peculiarities. Largely regarded as unwearable by those who determine such things, the entire collection can probably be found on clearance at a retailer near you in the not-too-distant future. And why not? Check out those pants, man!

They apparently have suspenders, which are just hanging from the waist (paging 1987!) and the - ahem - accordion crotch look is in full effect. Yet the waistline appears to be at its normal position near the, um, waist. So the wearer is just left with lots and lots of extra fabric and straps and whatnot to try to figure out. Sounds like fun.

One might hope that the lessons of Spring would be learned and taken to heart for Fall. But no - that would be too simple, wouldn't it? Costume National has always had that special something when it comes to their menswear - clean, simple lines in great neutrals - but the pants to the right (paired with a...man-shrug?) continue this tragic trend. I'm starting to run out of words to describe these unfortunate trousers.

These apparently have some sort of origami folds that are supposed to evoke the complications of life's...oh, who am I kidding? They're ugly! And unwearable! Just like all the others. It's really not that hard to get men to look good in a perfectly pressed pair of flat-front trousers, is it? Think about how versatile those are for nearly every ocassion. Heck, even Dockers would be an improvement on this hot mess of a look.

Apparently Comme des Garcons has decided that pants in general are unecessary in many instances. They offer as an alternative the man-skort. Although it doesn't explicitly qualify as Accordian Crotch, it has many of the same principles: an excess of fabric, an unflattering cut, and the ability to be worn with exactly nothing else in the average man's wardrobe.

Perhaps this ensemble to the left is better suited to a suburban soccer mom? Or a dumpster? I just cannot fathom why Rei Kawakubo - who has brought the fashion world some brilliant designs and concepts in the past - would inflict this on her menswear line. On a positive note, the socks are cute and I'd wear those.

So let's recap, shall we gentlemen? Stay away from the above labels until 2009, buy a pair of flat-front Dockers, and underno circumstances wear any piece of clothing with the words "shrug" or "skort" in it. Done.

Goodwill’s fashion blog provides detailed knowledge and insight on vintage and contemporary clothing and accessories that are valuable to fashion shoppers. The facts and opinions shared present readers with entertaining, exciting and value based information on vintage and contemporary fashion and shopping trends.